She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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