Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
