i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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