I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize