White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
