I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
