living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
