the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
FUCK WHALES
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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