I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
