remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
