Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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