Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
