Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
