Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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