i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
