he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
