dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
