We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
