We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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