If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
