Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
