Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
