im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
