i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
