I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
