dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
