I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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