Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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