dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
