I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
