"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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