guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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