my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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