Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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