it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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