Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
