Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
