hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Send help, water and tortillas.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
