You really coming over, don't trick.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
