Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
