Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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