i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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