you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
