Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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