Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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