yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
