Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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