my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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