I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
