what day is it and did you see me today?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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