im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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