and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
