If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hippo gnu deer
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
