Me too!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
