Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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