Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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