you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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