i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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