Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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