just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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