I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
