i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I enjoy the company of your penis
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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