Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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