Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
