um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
