why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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