I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
