doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
