Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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