the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
