And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
