When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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