I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
