In America we eat man semen.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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