No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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